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Leadership Skills: The # 1 Secret To Being On Purpose

June 4, 2012 By 2 Comments

One of the most important leadership skills is having a clear direction.

By this I mean are you on purpose? Are you waking up on fire? Are you so on fire with purpose that those to-do lists and irritating daily tasks just become part of the easy flow of your day?

If your answer is no, Mary Bryan, I am not; or no, not lately, then I acknowledge you for being human and welcome you to this conversation.

We often get caught up in busyness and mundane tasks and apply urgency to the wrong items and completely abandon the work that will keep us in flow. It happens. I highly recommend reviewing Stephen Covey’s quadrant to remind yourself of what’s urgent, what’s important and what is just taking you off purpose. This is one of the best tools for that.

This should be helpful, but what I want to talk about is the fact that when we lose sight of our purpose, we often look outside ourselves for inspiration. That works for a while. But we have to keep looking and it causes us to depend on someone or something else. Being on fire with purpose is an inside job. It starts with absolute clarity about who you are, what you value, and what you want to accomplish in your life and in your work. When you have this, there’s a seamless quality of blending personal and professional vision that allows you to create an overall sense of balance. Your vision for your life fuels your profession and your vision for your work fuels your personal life.

It’s very common to have created a vision long ago and not notice that it was already accomplished years ago and it’s now outdated. The result is that we feel bored and tired and disconnected from our essential nature and inner fire. We feel off purpose and we drift from task to task. What’s missing is a powerful huge vision that we can see and feel in living technicolor. It is so real to you that it is the reference point for all of your seemingly small daily choices and decisions. You are constantly asking will this decision or choice lead me to my inspired future or in the opposite direction? You are very present in the moment to what you want in your life.

What we often fail to realize is that the large decisions come along very infrequently and it’s the small decisions, the small conversations and behaviors that count and lead us from yesterday to today’s reality. Today we are creating the results that will show up tomorrow, next week and next year without our ever being conscious of it! Then, we ask, how did I get here? Are the decisions you’re making feeding your inner flame or are they leading you in the opposite direction?

I’m launching a new tele-course “Ten Essential Questions for Work and Life” where we offer you practices that you can utilize in your life to create clarity and decisiveness. We provide quality questions that you can use for the rest of your life. These questions create awareness and move you in the direction you want to go.

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We would love to have you in this initial launch. It starts on June 25, 2012. If this sounds like it is for you, then please CONTACT me and let me know. If you would like more information or if you want to have an introductory conversation to get clarity for yourself, I am here for you.

What I most want for you is to wake up every day feeling excited, feeling energized and being connected inside, so that you are getting your top priorities accomplished while living on purpose.

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Who’s Making the Decisions? You or your Shadow?

May 9, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool that I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life.  Because almost everything – all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important.  Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

Steve Jobs

I just received an email from one of my mentors, Steve Chandler, with this quote.  While it was jolting, of course it had me thinking – when is it time to let go of all the masks? Were you taught that it’s not OK to take care of yourself, that it’s selfish? Were you taught that it’s OK to be successful but not wildly successful? Are these shadow beliefs calling the shots in your life? They hang out, just beyond your awareness.  That’s why they’re called shadow beliefs and they determine what we can have, who we are being, and what we can accomplish in our lives. They call the shots. We all have them.

leadership - is your shadow making the decisions?Are you willing to scrape the muck off of your authentic brilliant divine self so that you can be free in the world? Who will lose out if you don’t. You? Your family? Those you love? Those you lead? The world? What would be possible if you realized you are everything: the good and the bad, the brilliant and the stupid, the powerful and the weak, the generous and the stingy, the lazy and the diligent?  There are times when you must call on and use all parts of yourself because they are all incredibly valuable and necessary to your well being!

Who else will take care of your health but your self-centered aspect, right? Your lazy self can be called upon when it’s time to take a break, to renew yourself. Without conscious access to all of you, these parts of you aren’t readily available. They lurk in the shadows and  pop up at the most inopportune times. Have you ever had an angry statement or outburst sabotage everything that you had worked towards?

So again, what would be possible if we stopped rejecting our true nature and quit using our time to reject and hide from ourselves? How much energy would be freed? What would it be like to live and lead from this place? What would it be like to live an integral life?

If you want to find out more about Shadow Coaching or if this raises questions for you, please contact me. For more information, I invite you to take a look at The Dark Side of the Light Chasers, by Debbie Ford, my mentor, teacher, renowned best-selling author and founder of The Ford Institute For Transformational Training and the Ford Institute for Integrative Coaching.

 

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How To Use Frustration as A Valuable Leadership Tool

May 9, 2012 By Leave a Comment

If Leadership is about being of service, and if the desire to serve flows naturally from the heart (when we allow it), what gets in the way? Lack of self-awareness and lack of presence.

And what gets in our way of really being awake and aware in the moment?

The list could go on forever, but it’s really about how long we stay unaware and disconnected from ourselves. Often it’s a true lack of emotional education about how we work. Unfortunately, we don’t get educated as children in how to follow our frustrations, our sense of overwhelm, and our emotions and to use them as guideposts. Frustrations, when identified, can be an incredible tool like an internal GPS saying LOOK HERE. This is important information! There are so many tools for becoming more present and I offer you a simple way to practice:

Take time to notice (for example, on the way to work) what frustrates you. What really gets you going? Was it the spilled cup of coffee or focusing on the conversation yesterday at work that had you feeling so irritated?

Just notice what causes you to have a sense of stress, irritation or boredom, and make note of it. Most of us cover up these significant guideposts by doing things like gritting our teeth, bearing it out, working harder, shoving it down, over-working, or over-eating. We often go on autopilot, and we’re not present to ourselves. And thus, not present to and for others. It’s like being in a trance. You probably know what it’s like when you arrive at your destination and don’t remember the drive, right? We all do this. It’s part of the human experience. However, we can create the conditions and make the choice to practice being awake and present more often than not.

So, the key step is to just notice when the feeling of boredom or irritation or frustration or a troubling thought arises. It might be a feeling in your belly or a tightening in your jaw. It might be a thought that things will never change. Or I will never get it all done.

It can happen so quickly. So there’s not much more to do, except to notice (without any judgment at all, please)! It’s great to see this and catch yourself. Be happy when you notice this. It means that you are aware and awake. Often, that’s all that it takes to bring us back to the moment, to inhabit our bodies again and to be present.

Your presence is not only requested; your presence is necessary to deliver your talents to serve and inspire others through who you are as a Leader. This is also how you can become more influential.

My passion and purpose is working with you to create astounding bottom line results and to achieve goals that are in alignment with your vision. To uncover and get clear on exactly what you want, contact me here.

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The Art of Delicious Service

May 9, 2012 By Leave a Comment


“I don’t know what your destiny will be, but one thing I know: The ones among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and found how to serve.”
— Albert Schweitzer

Have you ever had one of those delicious moments that just came to you from the universe? I have had a full week of absolutely delicious bits that were sent my way.

So, it started last Saturday at the car dealership when I went in with a problem I had created. I had left the tailgate up for my dog Goldie to jump in and pulled out of the garage. The gate got stuck and the back windshield wiper also got caught on the garage door opener in the ceiling! And the new black jeans I had been wearing rubbed dye onto my leather seat.

To make a long story short, they repaired my back windshield wiper and the gate and they took my dog for a walk while I went inside to purchase leather cleaner (which happened to be out of stock). They fixed the mechanical issues, cleaned the seat, vacuumed my car and handed me a kit of cleaner, conditioner and spot remover – all without charge! In fact, they were delighted to offer this and to have me try it out.

I won’t go into all the other people in the world that served me in even more generous ways, but you get what I’m talking about. Wow what service! I’ve never had so many nice surprises at once or perhaps I wasn’t present enough to notice them. It was so deee-licious!

Leaders spread spirit of serviceWhat I noticed immediately was that I got so re-energized about serving that I couldn’t wait to create opportunities to do the same! When we experience the gift of service from others, it calls us to pass it on. We are influenced to connect with our own heart’s desire to serve!

This is the inspiration and the power that we, as Leaders, can unleash when we serve those who we have the privilege to lead. It triggers a wave of service that spreads throughout an organization, company or community. That’s delicious true Leadership.

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On becoming a Person of Influence

February 29, 2012 By Leave a Comment

 

I was reading an excellent review by George Ambler of Jeremy Kubicek’s book Leadership is Dead and in it the author says  that Leadership is about being a person of influence. The choice is whether to use that power of influence to dominate or liberate. He posits that the desire for self preservation keeps leaders from stepping into a position of influence that liberates those they serve.

In our work, leaders are focused on bringing their unique talents and gifts to those they serve. Becoming influential requires us to be ruthlessly self aware. It requires a willingness to be 100% responsible for ourselves. When we show up in our leadership, awake and aware, taking 100% responsibility for ourselves and our own results, we inspire and invite others by who we are being.

So why don’t we always do that? Well, as humans, we want to treat this as an event, rather than a life long process. We get busy with what is going on outside ourselves. We want to say check -√-it’s done. I was aware yesterday and I took responsibility for  my thoughts and actions. I can now check this off the list. It’s not an event but a mission to be constantly waking up when we fall asleep and of course we will; we’re human. When we see ourselves making others wrong; we notice and take back the power of responsibility that leads to one of our greatest gifts which is the power of choice. This is the choice to be in alignment with our higher purpose.

So, what gets in the way? Here’s a partial listing:

1) Fear

We’re afraid that if we show up flawed, something awful will happen.

We don’t get that everyone sees anyway and we just look silly when we act as though it isn’t true!

2) Trust

We don’t trust ourselves because we’re not willing to give ourselves a chance to really see what tremendous depth is inside. In the face of fear we often abandon our inner wisdom, our selves. We forget that when we tap into the wisdom of the macro, not our small selves, we can accomplish anything.

3) Belief

We actually believe that the power is on the outside rather than inside ourselves. We believe that success or failure is determined on the outside.

4) Journey

The journey required for leadership is one from the head to the heart. Leadership comes first from a desire born out of the heart, not the egoic mind. The ongoing journey is the travel connecting the two that will take you where the mind cannot.

I’m an Integrative Coach Professional™ working with Leaders who want extraordinary lives for themselves, their families and loved ones and the people they serve.

 

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